High Explosives: How to Void Your SHIELD Warranty In One Easy Step

by Jason Paul

You b@$^@#&$. You blew it up.

A team of explosives experts got their hands on NVIDIA SHIELD. Then they decided to drill holes in it, stuff it with explosives, and shoot the mayhem with a slow-motion camera.

Excuse me, I think I’m going to be sick.

We must admit, however, there is some logic at work here, however twisted. That’s because we packed so much advanced technology into our handheld gaming portable – and screwed the thing together so tightly – that tearing SHIELD apart takes a serious investment of time, and patience.

Or explosives.

Here are a few of the things these hooligans found when they blew their SHIELD up:

  • Tegra 4: The world’s fastest mobile processor can do many things. It has great battery life. It tears through web pages at record speeds. Its 72 GeForce GPU cores deliver an incredible gaming experience. It is not, however, bombproof.
  • Big, beautiful touchscreen – SHIELD’s 5-inch retinal touchscreen delivers stunning visuals, whether you’re playing games, watching movies, or trying not to sob as you watch a clip of three dudes destroying their SHIELD. We found that a soft, lint-free cloth will wipe the tears right off.
  • Console grade controls: Blow up SHIELD, and you’ll wind up with a pretty big pile of gaming gear. Our carefully engineered triggers, delightfully clickable shoulder bumpers, flickable analog control sticks, and perfectly mashable buttons were all but vaporized into a veritable cloud of gaming goodness.
  • MiMo WiFi – Our 802.11n 2X2 Mimo WiFi is built to move fast – but it’s not built to move like this. One question: Why? Why did you people do this?
  • Tag – SHIELD’s magnetic customizable faceplate popped right off in the explosion. Next time, a gentle tug will do.
  • A world-class speaker system – Games, movies, music. You’ll love what you hear when you turn up the volume on SHIELD’s custom-tuned, bass reflex audio system. It’s been engineered to blow you away. Just not like this.

Please don’t try this at home. You could hurt yourself. You’ll definitely void your warranty. And you’ll miss out on a great gaming experience.